6 Weeks Ago

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As I sit here in the waiting room of my OB for my 6 week postpartum checkup I am sad. I should be 22 weeks pregnant. I should be planning a baby shower. The couple next to me has a beautiful baby boy that they are burping and I want so badly to be burping my babies. As the tears well up in my eyes I hope no one sees. I don't want to explain why I am crying in a room where so many couples come to have happy news.

The muted cries from the back room are a reminder that I will never hear my babies cry. As much as I am saddened for my loss I am happy for them. They get all of the things I so desperately wish for, but will never have. 

6 weeks ago was the worst day of my life thus far and as painful as it is. I feel stronger than I was 6 weeks ago. I feel closer to my God than I was 6 weeks ago. Pain and grief should bring us closer to Christ, because He alone can take the pain away. 
-A

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