My Life is God's Plan

As I sit here in the waiting room of my OB for my 6 week postpartum checkup I am sad. I should be 22 weeks pregnant. I should be planning a baby shower. The couple next to me has a beautiful baby boy that they are burping and I want so badly to be burping my babies. As the tears well up in my eyes I hope no one sees. I don't want to explain why I am crying in a room where so many couples come to have happy news. The muted cries from the back room are a reminder that I will never hear my babies cry. As much as I am saddened for my loss I am happy for them. They get all of the things I so desperately wish for, but will never have.  6 weeks ago was the worst day of my life thus far and as painful as it is. I feel stronger than I was 6 weeks ago. I feel closer to my God than I was 6 weeks ago. Pain and grief should bring us closer to Christ, because He alone can take the pain away.  -A

 When I found out I was pregnant I had a feeling this pregnancy was going to be different. But I had no idea just how different it would be. I found out I was pregnant April 14th, 2022. Confirmed it with another test on the 15th. Now these test were POSITIVE. I mean such a strong line I thought I was pretty far along. Because I had missed a period in March. And had not had one yet in April.  Well fast foward to April 19th I went in for my first OB oppointment and go back for the ultrasound. She starts to look around with the wand and says well there isn't just one baby there are babies. I have my mouth hanging wide open at this point because well BABIES. And I look over at my husband and behind his mask you can see him grinning from ear to ear. I looked at the screen and I said you're joking right? She says no (I would never joke about something like this. As she changes the number of fetus' from 1 to 2. Well that day the babies... still in shock by saying the 'ies'...