Rushed

I feel like I rushed things. Made them go by too quickly. I rushed through my induction. I rushed through holding my twins. I rushed a creamtion and funeral service. I rushed getting rid of all the things we had set aside for them. 

And now I'm left standing here with only a memory of 16 weeks of my life. Where I complained of the pains of pregnancy when inside my twins were growing and thriving, until they weren't. I'm broken hearted and empty handed. 

I want to rush my grief but it comes slowly in waves. 

I don't want to rush to forget them.